My Ego Is Holding Me Back

In my friend Cheli’s Inspired Mondays post, “Ego Vs. Creativity,” she advises, “Don’t be your own obstacle.” She also explains how “the Ego thrives on labels” and how it “ultimately ‘dumbs’ down authentic self expression and creativity.”

I’m My Own Obstacle

Cheli’s blog post made me think of the times I was my own obstacle. Those times when my Ego got in the way of self expression. I can think of two examples of when overthinking and fear of judgement kept me from expressing myself.

One was when I led a 21 Day Abundance Meditation Challenge. At the end of the challenge, I wanted to thank everyone who participated, as well as share my own experience. I went so far as to record a video which is something I wouldn’t normally do.

Image of an abundance word cloud and a lavender field

Sincere and unrehearsed, I spoke slowly so as not to stumble over my words or say “um” or “uh.” My words, however, came out at a snail’s pace and after watching it, I decided not to post my video.

Overthinking and Fear

I was excited and passionate about what I said, but overthinking and fear got the better of me. When I played back my recording, I thought people might criticize me for talking too slowly and I assumed they would not have the patience to watch my 3 minute video. Not a very abundant mindset, is it?

I deleted the video with the intention of re-recording it, but regretfully, I never did. The longer I waited, the easier it was to talk myself out of it and not do it. I thought I had missed my chance and the video would not be relevant. The meditation challenge had been over for a while and I thought, “Why bother?  It’s too late now.” 

I Held Back Again

Another time I held back was on my birthday. Even though I thanked each person individually for their birthday wishes, I wanted to express my gratitude with a general thank you to everyone who reached out.

I drafted a message to put on Facebook, but my attempt at being sincere yet funny sounded lame. I was afraid of sounding corny or stupid, and since I couldn’t come up with an interesting post, I ended up not posting anything at all.

Freely Expressing Myself

My fear of being perceived as corny, slow, stupid or some other undesirable label stopped me. Otherwise, I would have followed through on the video and the Facebook post. Had I not been so concerned about what others might think of me, I would have freely expressed myself. 

My messages could have resonated with someone — and that’s more important than trying to protect my Ego.

I don’t want to be my own obstacle or to let my Ego get in the way. It is my hope that the next time I want to express myself — I will.

2 thoughts on “My Ego Is Holding Me Back

  1. Hugs my sweet friend. It makes me happy that my post resonated with you. Though I don’t see you as you portrayed yourself here, I’ve been there many times. Remember? It was your 21 days abundance challenge that made my ego transparent for me.
    You inspire me. You always have. You move forward bravely with a lot of things that I would’ve second guessed myself on. You’re the most consistent friend I know. I’m proud of all the beautiful things that make you who you are.

  2. Thanks, Cheli! It seems to be more challenging to express myself on social media to people who know me personally than it is to write this blog.

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