Holding space for a partner, a friend or a family member means supporting the person emotionally. When someone is going through a tough time, holding space means being understanding and having empathy for their situation. It’s about listening and validating their feelings.
You Can’t Pour from an Empty Cup
In order to hold space, you have to have the capacity to do so — meaning you can’t pour from an empty cup. When we ourselves are emotionally drained or overwhelmed, it can be difficult (if not impossible) to properly hold space for someone else. We may even project our own experience onto the other person.
At times it can be challenging to not be affected by the other person’s emotions and whatever situation they’re dealing with. It can be especially challenging when you notice an ongoing pattern with the person. It’s important to support them and at the same time not encourage or enable toxic behavior.
Protect Your Energy
We want to help because we care and can see the situation more clearly from the outside, but they may not be willing or ready to change. Learning to be unattached to an outcome and staying grounded helps protect our own energy. Remembering not to make assumptions or take anything personally helps as well.
Holding space usually requires refraining from judging the person and what they’re going through. Some people just need to feel seen and heard. Learning to discern when to offer advice, when to encourage / uplift, or when to just listen takes practice. Sometimes we just need to ask what the person needs from us to better support them. And if for whatever reason you’re unable to hold space for the person, I think it’s okay to let them know that too.
