We’ve all complained about something. Whether it be about a relationship (romantic, friend, relative, or colleague), a job, or whatever, it’s normal to vent, but when does complaining become too much? How can you be happy if you’re always complaining?
Complaints Contain Information
Complaints contain information about what is making us unhappy and can signify unmet needs. In my blog post, Understanding the 5 Love Languages, listening to your complaints tell of your unmet needs and is one way of determining your love language. For instance, if you complain that you hardly ever see your significant other, maybe quality time is your love language. If you gripe that your workplace doesn’t acknowledge your efforts, it could be words of affirmation.
It’s understandable to complain occasionally, but grumbling incessantly, especially about the same thing(s), does not a happy person make. Complaining becomes an issue when it’s constant, and you don’t do anything to try to change your situation. It also keeps you stuck in a holding pattern and lack of abundance.
How Do You Change What’s Making You Miserable?
Rather than continuously complaining, what can you do to change what’s making you miserable? Depending on the situation, it could mean setting and enforcing your boundaries, being direct with the person involved, or maybe even changing your perspective.
Let’s say you always complain about your romantic relationship. Be honest with your partner about what is bothering you. Let them know what you need or would like to see differently. Then give your significant other the chance to respond and meet your needs. If after setting your boundaries, talking with your partner, giving them a chance, and still nothing changes, be ready to enforce your boundaries. Are your complaints enough to make you leave the relationship if they don’t get fixed? If you tend to blame others, try self-reflecting and being accountable for whatever role you could be playing too.
Maybe you complain a lot about your job. What is it that you hate about it? Is it something that could be remedied by talking to a supervisor? Do you despise it enough to look for another job? If so, then take the actions to find a new one. Determine what type of job/workplace you’d like, update your resume, network, apply to jobs, or volunteer in the field you’d like to get into if you lack experience.
What We Focus On Grows
What we focus on grows, so rather than focus on what’s lacking, try to highlight what is good and be grateful. Focusing on what you lack creates a scarcity mindset in which you’ll never have enough. Create Abundance by Changing Your Inner Monologue, and be thankful for what you already have because it will lead to more things to be grateful for.
Complaints, if they bother you enough, can be a catalyst for change. Take whatever you’re constantly complaining about as an opportunity to transform your life for the better. Otherwise, how can you be happy if you’re always complaining?
