Sometimes someone or something about them gets to me. It may be a character flaw, something negative I perceive about them through social media, an incident that may have offended me, or possibly even jealousy. (Read my previous blog, “What Does Jealousy Reveal About You?” for more on that topic). Or maybe others’ shortcomings remind me of my own (read “When a Person Acts as a Mirror“). Whatever the reason for my annoyance, I don’t want to waste my energy hating on someone. As much as I’d like to not care about someone else’s personality or behavior, it’s not always easy to ignore. Not wanting to be a hater, I thought of an exercise in finding the good in people. Seeing the good in someone helps me from being too critical.
I began naming a few things that focused on a person’s positive traits instead of allowing any annoyance to build. Assuming the person is not purposefully mean or inherently evil, there is probably something good to say about them, whether it is a positive attribute or action.
Here are some examples of me finding the good in otherwise annoying people (names are made-up).
- Michael has a Type A personality who likes to be in control and can be overbearing and bossy. At the same time, he cares about his friends and helps others.
- Gladys can appear like a vain attention seeker with all the selfies she posts, but she likes to have fun, is honest, and kind.
- Mallory is loud, extremely talkative, and constantly seeking validation. She is also very smart and caring.
- During a bike riding event, the sweep (person at the back of a group ride to make sure no one is left behind) asked me if I would be able to finish the 43 mile ride, suggesting I could still turn back and finish the shorter 24-mile route. I told her I could and would finish the 43 miles (which I did), just slower than everyone else. While I found her condescending, she may have just been concerned. Her volunteering to be the sweep implied she wanted to help out.
Focusing on positive aspects and attributes is an effective exercise in finding the good in others while keeping me from being overly critical.
