Depending on the circumstances and my mood, I tend to respond with the same energy I’m being met with. It is easy to be cheerful when someone is being pleasant. It can be just as easy to respond rudely to someone with an attitude. In some instances, matching other’s energy may establish a connection or show empathy. At other times it takes away your power and affects your internal peace by bringing you down.
When I remember not to take someone’s bad mood personally, I can respond calmly rather than defensively — like when I volunteered to sell merchandise at an event. Volunteers had to download an app and use their phones to track sales and accept payments. A woman who volunteered to relieve my shift became agitated when I told her about the app. Complaining that she didn’t want to download another app on her phone, she asked if it was necessary and said she would have signed up for a different role had she known.
Responding Calmly
Taken aback by her frustration, I thought she was being difficult. I was slightly irritated, but rather than meet her with the same energy, I calmly explained that the phone app was required to use the credit card reader and accept payments. The woman seemed to understand yet still refused to download the app. She asked if there was another role she could do instead. As we looked for another volunteer role for her, she settled down. Maybe because I remained calm, she calmed down, too. She eventually became more willing to download the app. Luckily, we found a different volunteer role for her, and we had sufficient coverage of the merchandise booth, so it worked out.
She may have overreacted, but her concerns were valid. I could understand her frustration to an extent because we weren’t notified about the requirement to download an app and use our phones. I also learned that she got lost and was stuck in traffic on her way to volunteer, so she was likely already stressed and frustrated from running late.
I’m grateful I didn’t take it personally, kept my composure, and responded politely. Being sensitive to other people’s energy, I could have easily matched hers even if she didn’t mean to direct her frustration at me. I’m glad I didn’t let her mood affect mine. By not matching her anxious energy, she eventually matched mine.
