Weight Is Not Just a Number

Weight is not just a number. It’s whatever meaning you give that number. Unfortunately, I place too much weight on my weight. (Forgive the pun.)

The Scale Is Wrong!

I had been weighing myself at work for a couple of months before I got a new scale at home. When I weighed myself at home, I was five pounds heavier than I was at work. I quickly asserted that my home scale had to be wrong! I was firm in my belief (for about a week) until I tested my scale by weighing a 5 lb dumbbell. Imagine my upset when I learned my home scale was indeed correct and the one at work was wrong. 

It may sound silly — it’s only five pounds, but I’m at my heaviest weight ever. I may not look overweight, but my Body Mass Index (BMI) of 28.3 says that I am. And, if you go by my waist to height ratio (which is supposed to be a better indicator than BMI), I would still be considered overweight. 

Triggered by Weight

My body image isn’t bad, but it could be better. Overall I do feel good and I try not to get too caught up in negative self talk. Still…sometimes my weight (and dress size) triggers me mentally or emotionally. I don’t want to be overweight and I don’t like feeling triggered because of it.

I know that my worth isn’t based on my weight. In general, I’d like to be healthier and I want to look and feel good in my clothes. That’s why I exercise regularly. Since I do exercise consistently, it bothers me that I’m gaining rather than losing weight. And, no it’s not muscle because my clothes would fit better if that were the case. 

Comparing Myself 

It also doesn’t help that I compare myself. The thing is, I don’t compare myself to others as much as I do to my former self and what I used to weigh when I was younger. I’m currently 50 pounds heavier than I was 15 years ago. That’s a big difference! 

Over the years, my weight has fluctuated. I’ve lost weight, gained it back and then some. I don’t expect nor do I even want to be the weight I was before my first marriage. I would like to be more toned and feel comfortable and confident wearing shorts though.   

Making Small Changes

I understand that exercise alone isn’t enough and what I eat (or don’t eat) has a greater impact. Getting enough sleep and staying hydrated is also important. Perhaps if I practiced all of these consistently, I might see a lasting transformation.

Since learning of my true actual weight, I started making small healthy changes (like eating more vegetables daily and taking walk breaks at work). I also plan to incorporate more positive changes (like getting more sleep). Hopefully this will lead to lasting results. And even if it doesn’t, maybe one day I can say that weight is just a number and I won’t put so much weight on my weight.