One Sunday, as I was getting ready for church, I noticed a white dandelion puff drifting outside my bathroom window. Then during mass, I saw one floating inside church. Moments later, I noticed a woman a couple of rows in front of me wearing a blouse with a dandelion pattern on it. When I see or hear something three times within a short period, I take it as a message or a sign.
An acquaintance asked me if I didn't think it was too soon to be engaged after getting a divorce. I don't think so. It's been four years since my divorce, but there is something more important than the amount of time that has passed.
Pausing takes practice. It’s not something that comes naturally or easily for me, especially when I allow my emotions to take over.
This is what I presume happened before I walked into yoga class: A man set up his mat in the corner of the room closest to the door. When he stepped away, a woman moved his mat and set hers down in his place. Then, she stepped out of the room. The man comes back confused as to why his mat has moved.
I’ve noticed how some interactions with people have left me feeling drained, frustrated or annoyed. The conversations typically focus more on the negative rather than the positive. Sometimes I could be listening to someone vent and I’d get annoyed by the repetitive nature of the conversations. Ever get tired of hearing the same thing over and over again? I do, especially when someone doesn’t seem to be doing anything about their the problem or keeps holding on when maybe they should just let go. There’s no progress.
The Epictetus quote above suggests not to be judgmental and it also refers to how a person acts as a mirror. I tend to criticize when I am annoyed. Rather than judge, however, I’ve started to ask myself, why does this bother me? Maybe how I perceive someone’s shortcomings is actually a reflection of my own. Basically, what I don’t like in someone else is mirroring back what I don’t like about myself.
It may have reminded me of my own insecurities and the things I don’t like about myself such as: not speaking up when something bothers me, making assumptions, taking things too personally, not having strong boundaries, indecisiveness, the feeling of being stuck, not feeling worthy or good enough, and self-doubt. Acknowledging these within myself is not new. I have worked on improving many of these aspects about myself. One would think that I’d be more patient and understanding of others, but that’s not always the case. I’m learning how to observe my reactions and feelings in those instances. It reminds me to have compassion, patience and kindness towards others, as well as myself.
Then again, maybe at times it has nothing to do with me… people are just annoying. LOL.