When I see social media posts of gatherings or parties, it brings up a strange mix of feelings. I wouldn’t say it’s FOMO. It’s more a reminder that I’m not really part of those circles. And yet, I don’t wish I were there. There’s a combination of relief and longing when I’m not invited. Part of me is glad to skip situations where I might feel awkward, but another part still wants to feel included.
I’d like to believe that people simply want to share moments that make them happy, but sometimes their posts land like, “Look at me, I’m having more fun than you.” I haven’t been posting on IG myself, not from a lack of things to share but because I’m trying to avoid chasing validation and the dopamine effect of likes and comments.
When I lived in Georgia there were more opportunities to meet people I connected with, people I actually spent time with. Even after moving back to New York, I managed to build a few friendships. Maybe I made more of an effort because I had the time and capacity to.
Limited Bandwidth
While I would like more close friends here, I don’t have much bandwidth to actually create and nurture them. It’s challenging enough to maintain my long‑distance friendships. (Read my previous post: Is It Harder Making Friends as an Adult?) It leaves me in this in-between space of wanting connection, but also recognizing the limits of what I can realistically give right now.
Perhaps I’m overthinking it or making it harder than it needs to be. I don’t have an answer. Maybe the first step is acknowledging this in‑between place. Not forcing myself into circles that don’t fit, but staying open to the friendships that might grow naturally when I have the capacity for them.
